Fear Of Loss Of Love - Playing With Love

Fear Of Loss Of Love – Playing With Love

On January 28, 2011, in Book Reviews, Mental Cleanse, Mentoring For Free, Personal development in MLM, Think and grow rich, Think and grow rich, by Oliver

Yesterday, I wrote about “Think and grow rich and the fear of loss of love”.

You may or may not know that I am on Mentoring For Free’s Mental Cleanse Call every Wednesday.

On this call, we’re discussing “Think and grow rich” chapter by chapter.

Last Wednesday, we talked about chapter 5 – Specialized Knowledge.

What the hell does this chapter have in common with this specific fear ?

Let me explain.

A woman from France and good friend of mine, Millie Lavoisier, wrote and read an amazing lesson plan about chapter 5 “Specialized Knowledge”.

The last paragraph of her lesson plan is the essence of the driving factor of my entire life:

“What I am becoming aware of about myself is that it’s easy to ‘lug’ me around if people make me imagine they will love me more if I do what they expect from me. After all, that’s what my family did. My parents made sure I knew that if I didn’t do this or that, they wouldn’t love me less, but that if I did, they would love me… more. Where did unconditional love go? Freeing my actions from my parents’ opinion… The first time I did was when I joined my first network marketing company. And you know what? My parents still love me…”

Where did unconditional love go ?

Hey, ladies and gentlemen, it’s not about being loved or not, it’s not about either…or.

It’s about more or less and unconditioned or conditioned love.

“After all that’s what my family did.”

Wow.

What buttons do you allow others to push that make you feel more or less loved ?

What buttons do you push in others that make them feel more or less loved ?

I know I did.

How can people lug you around because they sell you their expectations very subtly ?

How do you lug others around by selling them your expectations very subtly ?

I know I did.

Finally, it’s playing with love.

Thank you Millie for offering me the solution on a silver plate, it went directly under my skin.

Merci.

Next post in this series: Think and grow rich – The ghost of fear of old age pt. 1

What is your opinion ?

I always appreciate your reaction, so please leave me a comment down below with questions, thoughts, or feedback.

And (yes, here’s my call to action) please share this post with your Twitter and Facebook friends by clicking on the share buttons.

I appreciate you telling others.

To a prosperous life,

Oliver Tausend
+1 201 984 5664 office North America (anytime)
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17 Responses to “Fear Of Loss Of Love – Playing With Love”

kisane says:

January 28, 2011 at 11:10

A very interesting post Oliver that does, as usual, stimulate thought and introspection!

“Lug around” is the perfect phrase, denoting an unwelcome weight that is such a bother to cart about! Love it!

It just so happens that I was speaking with a client on exactly this subject today. It is amazing how we can ‘Oh so subtly’ put out our expectations and can so quickly grasp those being put out by another.

I think the Second Agreement in Don Miguel Ruiz’s Four Agreements – namely Don’t Take Anything Personally – is helpful when people put their expectations upon us. It’s really all about them! And vice versa!

Thanks Millie and Oliver for a very thought-provoking post.

Kisane

[Reply]
Oliver Reply:
January 28th, 2011 at 13:57
Hi Kisane,

it’s about them, absolutely. Analyze the messenger and not the message.

I don’t have a problem with fulfilling expectations – if I choose to fulfill them willingly and voluntarily – then I absolutely love it !

I hate it when I trapped myself because I was driven by fear.

Thanks for your thoughtful and appreciative comment.

Take care

Oliver

[Reply]

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Elmar Sandyck says:

January 28, 2011 at 15:25

Hi Oliver!

We can always expect unconditional love from our parents. Regardless of our station in life and whether we do the things they actually want us to do or eventually pursue the things that we want for ourselves, they’re just there to support us; through thick and thin.

At times, we think that we are supposed to please them all the time but when in reality, they’re happy when we really set out to do what we really want to do in life.

Our success is their success.

Thanks for allowing me to be introspective about this matter!

[Reply]
Oliver Reply:
January 29th, 2011 at 16:07
Hi Elmar,

that’s my take too: Our success is their success. But their idea of “success” is not necessarily ours.

An issue is risk-taking: Taking risks is often considered as stupid, especially in hindsight when we failed

I want to encourage my kids to take calculated risks and be able to help them to do so as often as it is necessary to succeed – in the endeavour they want to take, not I want them to take.

The main benefit of capitalism is that risk taking can be extremely rewarding. If we are stuck in safety thinking, we cut ourselves off from these rewards.

Thanks for your wonderful comment.

Take care

Oliver

[Reply]

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Robert Peil says:

January 28, 2011 at 20:56

Hi Oliver!

Yet another thought inspiring post you have!

Yes, that catchy phrase “lug around” imparts
quite a lot of feeling in just 2 words.

Most people do not pick up on the obvious
and are pulled into an unjustified sense of guilt,
when accused of not “giving enough love”
to those that fear the loss of it.

This guilt can play out into a growing sense of
resentment towards the person they “owe” love.

The end result is not good, and can lead to both
sides being hurt.

~Robert
Robert Peil recently posted..Will Your MLM Opportunity Die Ty Tribbles Did!

[Reply]
Oliver Reply:
January 29th, 2011 at 15:58
Hi Robert,

your conclusion hits the nail on its head: Both sides feel being hurt and unloved – by themselves, yet they’re blaming the other guy.

Thanks for your wonderful comment.

Take care

Oliver

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Luther Parker Jr says:

January 28, 2011 at 23:04

Hello Oliver!

This was some good stuff my friend! Without question, one has to love themselves before they can love others, and if you can’t love yourself uncodtionally, how in the world can you love someone else the same? Most people fall short of that because they haven’t experience anyone loving them that way, so relating to what “unconditional love” is remains a mystery!

[Reply]
Oliver Reply:
January 29th, 2011 at 15:54
HI Luther,

thanks for your comment. Loving oneself is crucial. The issue could be that we were taught that this is selfish and that we’re supposed to love others first, but as you note rightfully, that won’t work.

Take care

Oliver

[Reply]

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Tosin says:

January 29, 2011 at 10:42

Whao Oliver,

What Millie wrote is so touching, honestly!

When we do not truly love ourselves, it is difficult to love other people because of what we tend to project.

Oliver, do you notice that when we do not love ourselves even when others love us we still do not truly grasp is because it seems like there is a veil or something.

Nothing good gets doe if we do not come from the point of loving ourselves first.

Thanks for sharing your insights, Oliver!

Tosin
…fear is the passion of slaves!
Tosin recently posted..New Facebook Group- How to Get Even More Exposure

[Reply]
Oliver Reply:
January 29th, 2011 at 15:49
Hi Tosin,

you nail it: If we don’t truly love ourselves, we will have hard time to accept true love of others.

If we don’t love ourselves we’re doing everything in order to prove it to us that we are right.

Thanks for your thoughtful comment.

Take care

Oliver

[Reply]

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Mavis Nong
Twitter: MavisNong
says:

January 29, 2011 at 23:30

Hey Oliver,

Another thought-provoking post. So true, it can really be difficult to love others if we don’t ourselves.

If you love yourself, you’ll find loving and appreciating others much easier.

Thanks for sharing your insights, Oliver.

All the best,
Mavis
Mavis Nong recently posted..Is Your Blog Completely Safe and Secure From Hackers

[Reply]
Oliver Reply:
January 29th, 2011 at 23:49
Hi Mavis,

thanks for your comment. And we are able to accept the love of others in an unconditioned way.

Take care

Oliver

[Reply]

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Leanne Chesser says:

January 30, 2011 at 00:39

Wow. I find it fascinating that this post is so relevant to what I just wrote on my blog! I agree with a few commenters here. For me, the key idea in your post is “freeing yourself from the opinions of others” and that comes from loving yourself solidly first. Then you’re not tossed around, so to speak, depending on what others think or expect. You’re free to accept love and give love. It’s healthier. And there’s not a fear of the loss of it.
Leanne Chesser recently posted..But It’s Selfish to Focus on Yourself!

[Reply]
Oliver Reply:
January 30th, 2011 at 01:00
Hi Leanne,

I couldn’t agree more. If we depend on the opinion of others which change on a daily basis like the stock market, we are most likely to be tossed around, absolutely. In this case, we are like a thermometer that reflects the temperature of its environment – it is tossed around. I prefer being a thermostat that keeps a certain temperature regardless of the temperature of the environment.

Well, can’t be an accident really that our paths crossed

Thanks for your comment and take care

Oliver

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Liz says:

January 31, 2011 at 21:04

Hi Oliver,

Love this post

It all starts with loving and accepting yourself first. I think that if you don’t love yourself first you’re going to be insecure, trying to make others love you and worrying about whether they do or not.

You have to free yourself from what others think and be accepting of who you are. That IS tough for a lot of people especially if they’ve been raised with the concept that I’ll love you more if you do a certain thing or if you don’t do a certain things won’t love you.

We’re all products of our experiences and how others most close to us have accepted (or not accepted) us.

Great job Oliver!
Liz recently posted..10 Simple Rules for Blogs That Readers Appreciate

[Reply]
Oliver Reply:
January 31st, 2011 at 23:38
Hi Liz,

thanks for your thoughtful comment. If we don’t love ourselves, we are suspicious if others love us because it seems to good true. It leads to a whole bunch of misconceptions.

Take care

Oliver

[Reply]

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Millionaire Mind Intensive Seminar – Undo Poverty Brainwashing Pt. 4 | Oliver Tausend's Blog says:

April 29, 2011 at 10:03

[...] And they were playing with love. [...]

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