Think And Grow Rich - The Ghost Of Fear Of Loss Of Love

Think And Grow Rich – The Ghost Of Fear Of Loss Of Love

On January 27, 2011, in Blog Series, Book Reviews, Financial intelligence in MLM, Personal development in MLM, The six ghosts of fear, Think and grow rich, by Oliver

Previous ghost of fear: Think And Grow Rich – The Ghost Of Fear Of Ill Health

Napoleon Hill explains the fear of loss of love as follows:”The original source of this inherent fear needs but little description, because it obviously grew out of man’s polygamous habit of stealing his fellow man’s mate, and his habit of taking liberties with her whenever he could.”

Its symptoms are:

JEALOUSY: “The habit of being suspicious of friends and loved ones without any reasonable evidence of sufficient grounds.”

FAULT FINDING:”The habit of finding fault with friends, relatives, business associates and loved ones upon the slightest provocation, or without any cause whatsoever.”

GAMBLING:”The habit of gambling, stealing, cheating, and otherwise taking hazardous chances to provide money for loved ones, with the belief that love can be bought.”

Napoleon Hill also says that this fear is the most painful one of the basic fears – and it often leads to insanity.

Who wouldn’t be able to relate to that ?

Who can’t remember situations as a child when we didn’t want to be hugged by grandmother or grandfather – for whatever reason – or didn’t want to hug them or give them a kiss ?

How did they react when they feared the loss of love of us ?

Did they respect our decision as a child, or did they say things like:”If you don’t hug me, I don’t hug you.”

Or:”Grandma is sad if you don’t hug her.”

Or did these words even come from one of our parents who didn’t want to be the naughty kid and/or felt the fear of loss of love as well in this situation ?

This “If you do this, then I’ll do that.” or the “If you don’t do this, then I won’t do that either.”

It all starts when adults make kids responsible for their thoughts, feeling and emotions – what else is it if Grandma is sad “because” the child doesn’t want to be hugged by her ?

This “because” is simply a lie, an excuse, it’s giving away power.

Chances are our life consists of a whole bunch of falses “becauses”. (I am going to expand on that in my upcoming series about the “Black Swan“.)

Whose business is it if Grandma or Mom and Dad or whoever feels sad ?

To make matters worse, this fear can be intertwined with the fear of poverty – and/or fear of being rich.

Or fear of failure or fear of success in a general sense.

The lies we internalize can sound like that:

“If I fail, my parents don’t love me any more ‘because’ I gave them reason to feel ashamed or I made them worry.”

“If I am extremely successful or at least more successful than my parents, I lose their love either ‘because’ they feel ashamed and they feel reminded of the fact that they would have been able to do the same.”

Chances are they need to admit that they were wrong for their entire lives. A no go-area for most people.

I had both of them in me – what caused me to be bounced back and forth between failure and success and fear of failure and fear of success – eventually driven by fear of loss of love.

My mother said, four years ago.”We must have made something wrong. Our sons are making more money than we do.”

My spontaneous answer was:”You made everything right. Everything right.”

But how did that sentence work in me ?

A couple of months later, she said:”I wonder if you still love us once you are really rich and successful.”

When she said that, I was somehow petrified and I didn’t know what to say because I didn’t look through it, as I do today.

FEAR OF LOSS OF LOVE, 100 % pure.

A ghost, a demon. A lie.

Nothing else.

Chances are personal development consists of false “becauses” and false “ifs” – we have to detect them and resolve them.

Thanks to a good friend of mine, Millie Lavoisier from France, I found out what drove me in the past nearly 41 years…it has something got to do with fear of loss of love – go ahead to Fear Of Loss Of Love – Playing With Love.

What is your opinion ?

I always love your feedback, so please leave me a comment down below with questions, thoughts, or feedback.

And (yes, here’s my call to action) please share this post with your Twitter and Facebook friends by clicking on the share buttons.

I appreciate you telling others.

To a prosperous life,

Oliver Tausend
+1 201 984 5664 office North America (anytime)
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13 Responses to “Think And Grow Rich – The Ghost Of Fear Of Loss Of Love”

Mavis Nong
Twitter: MavisNong
says:

January 27, 2011 at 17:44

Hi Oliver,

Wow, well said! Fear of loss of love is a huge thing. People would do anything to feel loved. They can even get involved in illegal money making scams to provide for their loved ones financially.

It’s true that this fear is the most painful one and we can all relate as you have pointed out.

I so look forward to tomorrow’s post

Thanks for sharing your insights, Oliver.

All the best,
Mavis
Mavis Nong recently posted..How To Make Your Blog Posts Go Viral Effortlessly

[Reply]
Oliver Reply:
January 27th, 2011 at 18:17
Hi Mavis,

thanks for your comment. Most people will be able to relate to fear of loss of love, absolutely. Very painful actually.

Tomorrow’s post going to be interesting as well

Take care

Oliver

[Reply]

Reply
Heather C Stephens
Twitter: stephensheather
says:

January 28, 2011 at 01:28

Hi Oliver,

Loss of love is something I’ve not really gone into yet, but I can totally see where you’re going. My grandma had a candy jar that we’d run to as soon as we came into her house. It was in the dining room, right near the front door, and we’d always hit it first and head to her chair to say hi with hands full of red licorice. If we didn’t come kiss and hug her first, she’d be frustrated. While I always looked at it as being a greedy kid, I wonder if her fear of loss of love was real or not. She was an amazing nana and I miss her very much, but I hadn’t thought of her candy jar like that before.

Interesting…I’ll have to think about it some more!

Thanks for the food for thought!
Heather
Heather C Stephens recently posted..3 Secrets to Overcoming Obstacles and Turning Teams into Fulfilled Dreams

[Reply]
Oliver Reply:
January 28th, 2011 at 14:22
Hi Heather,

you should keep by all means a favourable memory of your grandmother. Even though my grandmother sometimes said things like I described in my post, I loved her and I was terrified when she passed away when I was 14 years old.

Her love might not have been unconditioned – the question for us is: Did she get unconditioned love ? Did she know any better ?

What about their parents, what about theirs ?

What about us, as spouses and parents ?

It’s up to us to break the vicious circle of “If you love me, then I love you. And only then.”

Someone has to start.

I appreciate your thoughtful comment, thank you.

Take care

Oliver

[Reply]

Reply
Robert Peil says:

January 28, 2011 at 04:06

Hi to my good friend Oliver!

Quite a post, I might say! Yes, you nailed it too!
It reminds me of an interesting story my Dad once
shared with me on this very subject:

He brought this question to his spiritual mentor at that time years ago:

What is more important: To love – or – To be loved?

The answer he got was not what he liked to hear:
His spiritual mentor argued that “To Be Loved” is more important…

Was this mentor suffering from the fear of “love loss”
like you so elegantly describe?

I believe that a way to kill this demon is quite simple,
but sometimes terrifying to many:

Simply have the confidence that you CAN love others
without an expectation in return.

Oliver, this “fear of love loss” is a serious demon to contend with,
and not to be taken lightly, as you already know!

(I have war battle scars to prove it, similar to yours!)

You have a DYNAMITE topic!

Your Friend,
Robert

[Reply]
Oliver Reply:
January 28th, 2011 at 14:15
Hi Robert,

thanks for your thoughtful comment, I appreciated it.

Love in all its facets is an explosive topic, that’s for sure.

Loving others in an unconditioned way is crucial – that starts with loving ourselves.

Only if we are able to love ourselves in an unconditioned way, we will be able to spread unconditioned love to others.

Take care

Oliver

[Reply]

Reply
John says:

January 28, 2011 at 11:46

The fear of loss of love is something that most of us have experienced at least once in our lives. This fear of loss of love is something that can be beneficial by motivating us to do what we have to do to achieve what we want.

However, on the other side I think it can also drive us to do something that is completely unethical. Thanks for sharing Oliver I like the message you were trying to deliver.
John recently posted..Tips For Getting Rid Of Moles And Warts Easily

[Reply]
Oliver Reply:
January 28th, 2011 at 13:54
Hi John,

I was driven by fear for too long in order to believe that fear is beneficial. It has its benefits – but these are far outweighed by the damage fear causes. It’s not possible to sustain benefits that come from fear because it eventually destroys what it might build at first. It kills the goose that lays golden eggs. That’s at least my take.

Thanks for your comment.

Take care

Oliver

[Reply]

Reply
Mike says:

January 29, 2011 at 03:28

Hey Oliver,

How come I never heard anything about you? I found you on google accidently. But once I saw Mavis Nong as top commentator… She’s big and I love what she teaches. Are you in the same boat as she is?

[Reply]
Oliver Reply:
January 29th, 2011 at 15:51
Hi Mike,

glad you found me now…it’s always the right time. Mavis and I are networking together closely, but we’re in the same business.

Thanks for your comment.

Take care

Oliver

[Reply]

Reply
Jym
Twitter: JymTarrant
says:

January 31, 2011 at 01:17

Hey Oliver….

Great stuff again. This is a really interesting one because I actually disagree with Napoleaon Hill’s root cause for this fear. For what it’s worth, here’s my view on it:

Babies and young children cannot survive without being cared for, which is an action taken by those who love us. In previous times, being excluded the bond of care or love between family groups would also be a question of survival. So there’s an evolutionary hard-wiring for this.

It’s also a fundamental aspect of human nature. Ultimately our need to be loved comes from our feeling of ‘separation’ from the rest of existence, physically and spiritually. Deep down we carry a fundamental yearning to return to our creator and be whole once again. Seeking love in human relationships is a reflection of this existential need for love as well.

Bit of a rant there

Anyway, the effect is the same, and as you’ve described, the experiences as a child which lead us be afraid of not receiving the love we need cause of loss to take hold and affect our lives even as adults. All of us have some experience or work to do in this area at some point!

Thankyou for your honest sharing of this important and powerful root fear…
Jym recently posted..The Donkey and the Pit or How to Reach the Top

[Reply]
Oliver Reply:
January 31st, 2011 at 11:42
Hi Jym,

I enjoyed your rant

As I realized only a few hours later, it’s about conditional love vs. unconditional love. “I love you, but if you do that, I’ll love even more.”

I agree to your analysis that fear – not only this one – comes from a feeling of separation. Feeling separated is business of the ego.

Thanks for adding value !

Take care

OLiver

[Reply]

Reply
Think And Grow Rich - The Ghost Of Fear Of Old Age Pt. 1 | Oliver Tausend's Blog says:

February 22, 2011 at 10:02

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