Are You Afraid Of Disappointing People ?
What is disappointment ? Nothing ? Less than nothing ?
Do you live someone else’s life by harbouring and nurturing this fear ?
During yesterday’s Leader’s Skills call I realized more and more how I prevented myself from developing true burning desire.
After last week’s lesson and several “anger and forgive letters” I wrote and burnt, I felt that it is time to let go of the emotional resistance towards this financial company I am still part of.
So I stopped the self-talk that went “I leave this company…” which seemed to remind me of this company all the time.
After changing my self-talk to a completely different one and booking the flight to New Orleans and the hotels (also those in Genova and Marseille on the upcoming weekend), I suddenly felt peace and harmony with this company and even with this business.
Not that I changed my decision, but I definitely changed my emotional attitude so I felt more comfortable doing the routine stuff I had to do.
In addition to that, I felt Faith to an amount and intensity I hardly ever had experienced before.
Until, yes until Monday morning when I received an email from one of the company’s representatives expressing that “it is needless to say how disappointed I am by your behaviour.”
You can’t imagine how fast my faith and confidence were wiped out !
I disappointed someone, I disappointed someone. Well, I am not supposed to disappoint people.
So this WAS definitely one central emotional reason I got stuck with my desire: I WAS afraid of disappointing people when I don’t show my normal behaviour any more and this is also related to fear of criticism.
In fact, it’s not about disappointing people on purpose for the sake of disappointing them. It’s about living your life and thinking your thoughts – if certain people feel disappointed because they can’t boss you around any more, so be it. It’s their choice and their emotions are none of your business.
By the way, is disappointment good or bad ? In German, you can play around with the word “disappointment” (“Ent-Täuschung”) so disappointment means the end of a deception. And the end of a deception is a good thing, is it not ?
We are so eager to avoid disappointment for ourselves and for others that we forget to live.
While most fears aren’t real, they can be at least theoretically real. Disappointment however is the essence, the incarnation of nothingness – because disappointment is exclusively a child of our mind because we harboured false expectations. We lied to ourselves, we deceived ourselves.
Talking about expectations, I had another aha-moment last night after the Leader’s Skills call.
More about that in the upcoming post Does Your Set Of Expectations Make You Or Break You ?
Now it’s your turn: What about you ? Are you afraid of disappointing people ? How do you react when people disappoint you ?
I always love your reaction, so please leave me a comment down below with questions, thoughts, or feedback.
And (yes, here’s my call to action) please share this post with your Twitter and Facebook friends by clicking on the share buttons. I appreciate you telling others.
To a prosperous life,
Oliver Tausend
+1 201 984 5664 office North America (anytime)
+49 1512 9125216 office Germany & other countries (anytime)
Skype ID: guernsey2016 (anytime)
wordpress@olivertausend.com
How to deal with disappointment in network marketing
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As per me I have one way which never get you feel like disappoint and the way is -Expect only that which is REAL and POSSIBLE.
Say for e.g. If I dream like I wanted to be miss universe and try my best to fulfill my dreams but the fact is I never as I knew that I don’t have that FACE who deserve this crown no matter I am talented, smart, intelligent but matter how I look and that was REALITY.
If one who dreams REAL and know that if s/he work hard for this then it SURE that its going to be true then there is no chance left for disappoint.
The same is applicable to OTHERS who expect unreal and impossible from us, although we tried at our level best then also we are not going to satisfy them coz what they have expected is UNREAL and IMPOSSIBLE right from the begining, no matter how hard we try but it never going to turn true and then here comes feeling of disappointing others.
Thus in my dictionary there is no place for this WORD as I frankly say this to others that if you want to expect something from me then expect what is REAL and POSSIBLE then only I am going to satify you. And I also never dreamed unreal and impossible for me so that I also don’t get disappoint from myself.
[Reply]
Oliver Reply:
September 21st, 2011 at 23:02
Hi Megan,
thanks for sharing your insights. I love your take, especially that you scratched this word from the dictionary – the same should be done with the word “impossible”.
Take care
Oliver
[Reply]
Twitter: marcus_baker
says:
Hi Oliver,
People who tell others that they have been disappointed by them are usually being manipulative.
Nobody likes to feel that they have let someone down. Telling a person that you have been disappointed by them is meant to illicit such a feeling and it often does the job very well.
The fact of the matter is we can’t control what others say to us, only what we ourselves say and how we respond to what is said to us.
If the action you took which created this so called disappointment was in your best interests which it was, then there is no reason why you should allow someone else to make you feel that you have let them down.
How they feel because they might not like the outcome is their problem and will never be more important than doing what is best for you.
I used to always stay in jobs and relationships for longer than I should have because I was sacred of disappointing others until I realized that in doing so I was letting myself down. I was compromising my own happiness so that they could feel better and where’s the self love responsibility in that? There is none.
~Marcus
Marcus Baker recently posted..Procrastination – Is This An Alternative Solution?
[Reply]
Oliver Reply:
September 21st, 2011 at 23:00
Hi Marcus,
thanks for your mindful comment that added quite a few ideas to my process of overcoming this fear of disappointing people.
It’s 100 % true that expressing disappointment is manipulative, especially with the “rhetorical accelerator” “It’s needless to say how disappointed I am” – if it’s needless, why do they mention it ?
You don’t have to be a mind reader to tell what’s going on in them…
This stuff does its job very well, it dit it perfectly on me in the past. However, I learned to respond rather than react to this type of manipulation.
If you sacrifice your own happiness so that others can feel better, they won’t even say thank you. And then we say “Nothing is so hard as man’s ingratitude.” or “Eaten bread is soon forgotten.”
Take care
Oliver
[Reply]
Twitter: coach_viviana
says:
You’re right. We shall make a decision without fear of disappointing someone. It’s hard to please everyone.
viviana recently posted..The Power of Coaching in Network Marketing Success
[Reply]
Oliver Reply:
September 21st, 2011 at 22:48
Hi Viviana,
thanks for your comment. It’s impossible to please everyone. Everybody’s darling is everybody’s fool.
Take care
Oliver
[Reply]
Twitter: ilkaflood
says:
Hi Marcus,
Two thumbs up for this response!
Ilka
[Reply]
Oliver Reply:
September 21st, 2011 at 22:47
Just awesome Ilka, you’re right on !
[Reply]
Marcus Baker
Twitter: marcus_baker
Reply:
September 22nd, 2011 at 08:38
Thanks Ilka!
Marcus Baker recently posted..Procrastination – Is This An Alternative Solution?
[Reply]
Twitter: ilkaflood
says:
Hi Oliver,
I am very guilty of this. I constantly try to please everyone knowing full well that this is impossible.
I love your statement: “We are so eager to avoid disappointment for ourselves and for others that we forget to live.” Gosh, this is so true! I also loved Marcus’ comment.
The thing is, we can’t control what other people think or say about our actions. If we constantly try to not disappoint others we keep on disappointing ourselves and life passes us by. That’s not very healthy….(and I should listen to my own words here
)
Great topic, Oliver!
Cheers,
Ilka
Ilka Flood recently posted..Thanks, for not dying Mom! – Part 1
[Reply]
Oliver Reply:
September 21st, 2011 at 22:47
Hi Ilka,
thanks for your open and honest comment. We have a saying here that goes kind of “Everybody’s darling is everybody’s fool.” And nobody will thank us for that at the end of the day because we’re only confirming our conditioning. That means that we’re taking while we might think that we’re giving.
Thanks also for honouring our friend Marcus !
Take care
Oliver
[Reply]
Twitter: radu_dascalul
says:
Hi Oliver,
Great points in this blog post. This fear of disappointing others is a very common thing in our current world. Many people (Including me for a while) are prisoners of various mental and emotional viruses. When you fear to disappoint others you can’t see more that the level of understanding of a certain person. People don’t want to disappoint their kids, spouse, boss, community etc. Yet, they miss a crucial element in this equation: them. The greatest failure in my opinion is to disappoint your higher self , to not create that greater version of yourself.
Now, I move in the direction of my goals with more peace of mind. When you know you are inside, what others think about you isn’t a source of worry or fear anymore.
The second question has a simple response: I don’t react. Instead I choose to move on without any negative feeling. You don’t a proof or approval from nobody in order to feel good about yourself and enjoy life.
Thanks for sharing your personal experience with us.I enjoy your topics:)
Radu recently posted..The blueprint on how to BE an Alpha Entrepreneur
[Reply]
Oliver Reply:
September 21st, 2011 at 22:44
Hi Radu,
thanks for your powerful comment. You mention several nuggets. One of them:”The greatest failure in my opinion is to disappoint your higher self.” This is what will happen if we always try not to disappoint others, won’t it ?
And I love that one too:”What others think about you isn’t a source of worry or fear anymore.” So true: It’s none of my business what others think of me…
Glad you love my topics.
Be blessed
Oliver
[Reply]
Hi Ravit,
thanks for your comment.
Take care
Oliver
[Reply]
Twitter: JymTarrant
says:
Great questions Oliver, and I’m really fascinated to learn of the German root of the word dissapointment.
A lot can be learned from the way words come to be used, and by breaking them down we can often gather key insights in to the true nature of the concepts they describe.
For myself, over the past few years I’ve been learning to allow others to own their own experiences, and act according to what I know is right without being unduly swayed by outside expectations.
Of course – I don’t want to disappoint anyone, but at the end of the day, only they can be disappointed – I cannot disappoint them.
I’ve found that brutal honesty (or at least clarity!) at every step of communication helps to reduce the potential for disappointment too…
Great to be here at your blog again. I don’t get over to read and comment enough these days!
Jym | Blog Speed recently posted..CommentLuv+ Is Revolutionizing the Power of Blog Commenting. Here’s What You Need to Know
[Reply]
Oliver Reply:
September 28th, 2011 at 10:02
Hi Jym,
thanks for your comment. You are right on that dissecting words can give us a deeper insight about the meaning of these words.
I also second you on that: Clarity is important because clarity is power.
Take care
Oliver
[Reply]
Twitter: bobandrosemary
says:
Hello Oliver!
As usual you get right to the heart of things. Do I have a fear of disappointing people? I would say yes, although not to the degree I used to. It’s funny — I am much more willing to give someone else a break, someone who has disappointed me, than I am to absolve myself.
I am working on this, because as you said it will hold you back to reaching the success you deserve.
Thanks for the thought provoking question!
Dr. Bob Clarke recently posted..Who Are You Blaming?
[Reply]
Oliver Reply:
September 28th, 2011 at 10:00
Hi Bob,
thanks for your personal and thoughtful comment. If someone else is dissappointed in us, it only means that their set of expectations was not correct or that they didn’t “close they deal”.
Congratulations to working on that issue.
Take care
Oliver
[Reply]
Twitter: janetcallaway
says:
Oliver, aloha. This is a tough one because I think most of us have a tendency to a knee jerk reaction such as you did.
That being said, I think most often people use those words to control or to manipulate someone because they are quite guilt inducing. Even if we have done our best and know it, we don’t want to hear those words. How many parents use those words on a regular basis to “control” their children?
Oliver, I truly do believe that “what you think of me is none of my business.” If I have done what I felt was right or the best I could do, and you are disappointed in me, that is your choice.
We can live our lives in accordance with someone’s expectations. We have to live our lives in accordance with our beliefs.
Powerful topic, Oliver; very well handled.
Wishing you a terrific week ahead. Aloha. Janet
Janet recently posted..2 Words to Change the World
[Reply]
Oliver Reply:
September 28th, 2011 at 09:40
Hi Janet,
thanks for your appreciative comment. There are three keywords in your comment that struck a chord in me: Control, manipulate and guilt inducing. You are right on that it’s none of my business what others think about me. If we cared about that, we would live someone else’s life, wouldn’t we ?
Take care
Oliver
[Reply]
Hi Oliver,
Been a while! Great post. You got to guest blog for me sometime! I think, inside human emotion, we are trained from a child that disappointing others is bad, like Mom and Dad for example. If our actions are degrading then the feelings of disappointment are just. If they are not and they cause disappointment, then oh well on the other party, it is not our concern. I have disappointed people in my past for being serious about serving God. I loved them, was not bitter, but was not going to live in condemnation over their disappointment of me.
We should never become insensitive, either way, when dealing with disappointment, ours or theirs. It just means we balance the issue with understanding and doing so we save ourselves a lot of wasted time in grief and self wallowing.
Great post, thanks for sharing,
Joe
Joseph J Young recently posted..Rich Dad Cashflow Game
[Reply]
Oliver Reply:
September 28th, 2011 at 09:27
Hi Joseph,
thanks for your personal and insightful comment. This one I consider very important: You loved them and were not bitter but did what you had to do or even were meant to do. It’s also true that it’s all about being sensitive…
I am open to do a guest post on your blog…we had been talking about it a few months ago, hadn’t we ?
Take care
Oliver
[Reply]
Hello Oliver
This worry about others not liking or approving our our decisions is one of the biggest barriers to truly being free and living our lives as we desire. I have personally experienced the discomfort of doing things that people close to me did not approve and while I fully realize my right to my own decision, it can still sting. Great post.
Kelli Cooper recently posted..Whatever You Believe Will Be True For You
[Reply]
Oliver Reply:
October 4th, 2011 at 09:07
Hi Kelli,
thanks for your comment.
That’s well said: Although we know that we have the right to live our lives on our own terms and that disappointment of others might occur, it still can sting…
Take care
Oliver
[Reply]
I am not afraid of disappointment. It is just a matter of creating the right decision. Right decision leads to perfectness. Wrong decision leads to disappointment. Great post Oliver!
Stuart recently posted..Forget Perfection, Hurry Up And Sell Something!
[Reply]
Oliver Reply:
November 29th, 2011 at 09:41
Thanks for seconding me on this post !
Be blessed
Oliver
[Reply]